You know the person....
The one everybody calls when something needs to be done.
The one who listens, encourages, solves problems, and somehow finds a way to keep everything moving.
The one who walks into the room with a smile—even when life has given them very little to smile about.
Because they continue to show up, we assume they are okay.
But showing up and being okay are not always the same thing.
Sometimes the strongest person in the room is simply the person who has learned how to carry pain without letting anyone see it.
They still come to work. They answer the telephone. They meet the deadline. They help the student, support the staff, care for the family, and encourage the friend.
Everyone sees what they do.
But how often does someone stop long enough to see them?
As I write this, my mind briefly returns to 2020, when school buildings physically closed and everything familiar changed.
We were all somewhere in this story.
Some people were trying to lead through uncertainty. Some were caring for children while attempting to work from home. Some were worried about their health, their families, their jobs, or what the next day might bring. Some people said they were fine because they did not know how to explain what they were actually feeling.
That season did not create every burden people were carrying. It simply made some of those burdens harder to hide.
But this conversation is bigger than COVID.
It is about what happens every day when we become so accustomed to someone being dependable that we forget they are human.
We see the teacher standing in front of the classroom, but we may not see what she had to push through just to get there.
We see the school leader making decisions, but we may not see the weight he carries home at night.
We see the support staff member taking care of everyone else, but we may not notice that no one has asked who is taking care of them.
We see the student completing assignments, laughing with friends, and saying, “I’m good,” while something inside is quietly falling apart.
And this does not only happen in schools.
It happens in families, churches, workplaces, friendships, and communities. We place people into roles and begin to see the role more clearly than we see the person.
The strong one.
The responsible one.
The dependable one.
The one who can handle it.
The problem is that when we decide someone can handle everything, we may stop asking whether they should have to.
We cannot always know what another person is carrying. People have a right to their privacy, and they may not be ready to share everything. But we can create the kind of space where they know they do not have to pretend.
Sometimes that begins with one honest question:
**How are you—really?**
Not the kind of “How are you?” we ask while walking away.
Not the kind we ask when we need something.
I mean the kind that says, “I see you. I have time to listen. You do not have to perform for me.”
And when they answer, listen.
Do not rush to fix it.
Do not compare their experience to yours.
Do not tell them to be strong when being strong is what has exhausted them.
Just be present.
Sometimes people do not need us to have the perfect words. They need to know they are not invisible.
I know what it means to continue showing up while carrying things other people cannot see. That experience taught me something I do not want to forget: a person’s ability to function does not tell us how much they are hurting.
That is why this message is not only for the person who needs support. It is also for those of us who have the opportunity to notice.
We must become more intentional about seeing people—not only for what they contribute, but for who they are.
And if you are the person who is always showing up for everyone else, please hear this:
You are more than what you do for other people.
You deserve to be seen.
You deserve to be valued.
You deserve support too.
You do not have to wait until you are falling apart to admit that something is heavy. Asking for help does not erase your strength. Sometimes asking for help is the most courageous way to use it.
The people around us may never tell us the full story of what they are carrying. But perhaps our purpose is not always to know the entire story.
Perhaps our purpose is to become the kind of people who make it safer for someone to tell it.
Around the Table
Who is the person you always count on—but rarely stop to check on?
A Thought to Purpose Challenge
This week, reach out to one person who is usually the strong one.
Do not contact them because you need something. Contact them simply to say:
“I was thinking about you. How are you—really?”
Then give them the time and space to answer.
One sincere conversation may not solve everything, but it can remind someone that they do not have to carry everything alone.
Until next Tuesday…
Keep creating. Keep believing. Keep living with purpose.
— Kim M. Waller Founder & CEO, More Than Just A Thought LLC "Where Creativity Meets Purpose"